


Gibs Auf

by englishromance



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, sorry folks, this is a mixture of teenage angst and mediocre writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 17:13:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3944980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/englishromance/pseuds/englishromance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes being on the edge between adolescence and adulthood can be fun. Other times, not so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gibs Auf

It’s summer and Bene can feel the sun burning on his skin. He’s at the public swimming pool, just got out of the pool acutally, and now he’s lying on his dark blue towel, letting the water dry on his skin. If he concentrates enough, he thinks he can actually feel the little drops of water evaporate and disappear from his skin. He blinks his eyes open, but the sun is too bright. He stretches his arm out to shield his face with the shadow caused by his hand, and from this perspective, it almost looks like Bene could touch the sky. He feels like he could, anyways. 

He’s looking at the little blond hairs on his arm that are standing out against his tanned skin when a voice besides him asks „Have you ever jumped from the 10 meter tower?“ Bene pops himself up on his elbow, his face to his right side where his best friend was lying on his belly, his face turned to the left. He thought Mats was sleeping when he came back from the pool, maybe he was, but now he was definitely awake and looking at Bene.

Bene studied Mats’ curls for a second, that got even curlier from the excessive amount of chlorine that was in the public pools. „No, I haven’t. You?“

Mats was grinning now, and Benedikt got the weird feeling in his stomach he always gets when Mats looks like that, looks likes he’s up to something.

„Me neither. But you know what, we’ll change that today.“ 

„No, we won’t.“

„Yes, we will.“ Eyes filled with determination, Mats got up and looked at Bene. „You coming? Or are you too chicken?“

By now Bene had sat up, but he was still far from actually getting up. Physically and mentally.

„I don’t wanna.“

„You never want to do anything.“ Mats was mock-pouting now and Bene couldn’t help but roll his eyes. „Bene we’re both 18 now, it’s summer, the last year of school is about to start, and to be quite honest, I want to make it count. Make it unforgettable. So grow a pair, Höwedes, and come with me.“ Mats’ eyes were shining now, and Bene believed him. How could he not? They both were on the edge between adolescence and adulthood, the taste of freedom on their tongues and ready to live, even if it was going to kill them.

Benedikt was pulled from his thoughts, when Mats took his hand and hoisted him up. They were standing face to face now, close enough that Bene could feel the heat radiating off of Mats’ skin. His best friend was looking at him expectantly. „Well then, let’s fucking do this.“ Bene said and both of them started walking towards the tower, feeling pretty much invincible.

They got some odd looks when the two of them started climbing up the ladder, because the rules say that only one person is allowed to jump from the tower, but Benedikt and Mats didn’t care about the rules. If they were actually going to do this, they were going to do it together. End of the discussion.

But with every step up the ladder, Bene felt more and more like he was either going to vomit or pass out. Or maybe both. Mats was directly behind him though, so there was no turning back. They were doing this and they were doing this now. So Bene sucked in a sharp breath and continued to climb his way up.

Looking down was probably not the smartest thing to do when Benedikt finally arrived on the platform. Only when he heard Mats’ concerned voice asking whether he was ok, Bene realized that his knuckles were turning white because of how hard he was holding on to the railing. Turning around, Bene was contemplating what he was supposed to answer his friend, but before he could even start to stammer out an answer, the head of a little girl popped up from where the ladder met the platform. „Can you two hurry up, please? There are other people the want to jump too, you know.“ She tried her best to sound polite, but it wasn’t hard to detect the whiny and somewhat annoyed undertone in her voice.

Bene looked back to Mats, only to find that he had reached out his hand to him. He stared at Mats’ right hand, and when his best friend said „It’s now or never.“ it makes sense to Benedikt. In that moment, everything makes sense to him, as long as Mats is with him, it probably always will.

He takes Mats’ hand and starts to count down from five to zero. When he’s at one, he can feel Mats squeeze his hand and then they’re running towards the edge of the platform. One second, Bene still can feel the hot concrete underneath his feet, the next second it’s gone and he feels like he’s flying. He feels free, he feels alive, he feels reckless.

They’re still holding hands when they come in contact with the water and only let go when they’re underwater. Bene opens his eyes and sees that Mats is only inches away from him.

He doesn’t exactly know why he does it, maybe it’s the adrenaline rushing through his body, maybe he has always wanted to do this, but in that moment, he kisses Mats.

///

They never talk about that kiss though. Benedikt expects Mats to bring it up, but he never does. Weeks later, Bene wonders if he maybe only imagined it.  
He dreams about it too. It’s the reason he wakes up in the middle of the night sometimes, uncomfortably hot, feeling like he’s going to suffocate, the picture of Mats’ face still clear in his mind.

School had started again already, and the crushing realization that this would be their last year had hit everybody pretty hard, not just Mats and Benedikt. Teachers started talking about applying to universities, parents started fretting over their children who were almost ‚all grown up now‘. It felt weird. Bene still couldn’t believe he had actually spent twelve years of his life in school. Twelve years that had passed in the blink of an eye. Thinking about that made Bene uneasy.

///

They’re sitting somewhere in a hidden corner of the school’s parking lot during break when Mats pulls out a pack of Marlboros from the pocket of his black leather jacket. Bene says „You know they can kill you, right?“.  
Mats huffs out a chuckle and replies dryly „We’re all going to die one day anyways.“  
Bene feels like he landed in some trashy coming of age movie from the 90’s, but he figures that it’s Mats’ way of dealing with growing up, so he shuts up about it. He watches Mats blow smoke rings, brows furrowed slightly in concentration, his lips forming the perfect shape of an ‚O‘.  
Benedikt ponders about how cigarettes don’t smell half as bad to him now than they did a year ago.

He kisses Mats when he’s done with his cigarette. It’s an impulsive decision. He tastes the bitterness the cigarette left on Mats’ lips, but he can’t really bring himself to care. Mats’ words echo in his head. „We’re all going to die anyways.“ Bene thinks, „So I might as well kiss my best friend“.

The kiss doesn’t last long, they’re interrupted by the bell. Mats hast biology next, Benni German; but they’re still sitting on the ground, as of they had turned into stone.

„What are we doing?“ Mats asks tiredly. He’s looking at Benedikt, he can feel Mats’ eyes on him.  
Benedikt thinks for a moment. He gets up and grabs his backpack, then looks directly into Mats’ hazel eyes. „I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know anything anymore these days.“

Bene leaves for class, not waiting for Mats to react. Feeling weird and distraught, he remembers something they read in class the other day: It was a short story about a man who, upon realizing that apparently his watch is wrong, gets into a hurry to find the train station. Since he’s a stranger in the city, he doesn’t know where to go and asks a constable for the way. But instead of helping him, the constable only tells the man to give it up.  


Benedikt doesn’t look back.

Mats lights another cigarette.

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, i started writing this last summer, around september i think. i kept writing and editing over the last months, and now here we are. also, it's kind of autobiographical because i'll be graduating next year and well, i'm scared shitless haha which lead to the fic gradually becoming more and more depressing while reading #oops
> 
> anyways, i hope you didn't regret the decision to read this!


End file.
